首先再次回顾一下写作4分满分的评分准则描述：

　　可以清晰的看到，写作维度是从宏观结构过渡及微观词句风格语调呈现对考生回答进行评估的。那1908NA的这份高分回答是如何取得各项的优秀表现的呢？

　　宏观段落结构progression throughout the essay上：考试在开头段最后一句话对全文分析手法进行了一次预告（同时也是全文主题central claim），并且在后文中参考首段的预告手法（如下图），使用段落衔接词逐一对三个手法进行了分析，让考官非常清晰顺畅地了解该考生在结构上的写作规划能力，这与一些同学，边写边分析，洋洋洒洒涵盖不清的分析结构形成鲜明的对比，清晰一致的段落规划也是这篇回答为什么能够顺利获得满分的原因之一。

　　开头段最后一句话：

　　后文三个主体段考生分别使用了：

　　Godfrey Harris utilizes his personal experience at the starting part of the passage. …

　　In addition, Godfrey Harris also [utilizes] irony multiply times in the passage to show…

　　Last but not least, Harris uses concession and rebuttal on the issue of killing of the the elephant …

　　而在结尾段考生也再次重申了分析的手法，同时有意识地使用了词汇替换进行表达：

　　In conclusion, Harris, or the advisory board of International Ivory Society, successfully utilized his own personal story, irony of the real intention under the surface of regulation on ivory trade, and concession and rebuttal to prove his opinion that the limitation on ivory trade and collecting can do more harm than benefits. His opinion is further valid and reasonable, even if many don’t agree.

　　除了全文保持一致的篇章结构，考生在段内结构上也有不错的发展衔接意识。

　　如以下的第一个body分析段，可以看到考生使用了自然的方式进行了细节间及分析解读之间的过渡（详见黄色高亮标记）：

　　Godfrey Harris utilized his personal experience, at the starting point of the passage. He explains his family historyin general, and has given details of when and how he starts to collect ivory items, Godfrey Harris’s family came to the state because they were attempting to escape Britain before the situation become worse, and when their situation is more settled, Godfrey’s father decided to bring Godfrey back to Britain for a trip and brought back some ivory items. This part of his personal experiences indicated that to him, ivory is an important part of his life, and the audience will develop emotion on this subject matter after they read about the author’s experience. With the warmth added to the passage, readers have connection to the author and will consider his opinion better. Harris also said that “Ivory pieces, like other artistic expressions, reflect the time and culture that produced them.” Before this, he explained that it is because of his job as a diplomat that allows him to obtain more ivory items. With this additional experience, the audience will understand why these items have their own values. Harris gives the audience the impression that ivory items are timeless beauty, therefore the audience will start to realize the importance of ivory pieces and why they should be valued than be viewed as something harmful regarding to the elephant killing issues discussed later in the paragraph. By employingpersonal experience, Harris connect his audience on the level of emotion and therefore successfully sent his message about the fact that ivory items should not be restricted by heavy regulations to the readers. (269 words)

　　可以注意到考生没有使用生硬的first, second进行过渡，而是在进行自然流畅的细节描述过程中，从概括到具体，利用指代词(e.g. this) 副词 (e.g. also), 介词结构( with …) 及从句连接(after…; before…).

　　同时从以上一段的示例中，可以看到考试使用了多样的句式及精准的词汇替换进行写作表达，如对anecdote的替换，考生结合文章内容使用了具体的词汇及相关义词汇进行替换（详见绿色标记）。

　　对读者影响方面的表达，词汇和句式方面都展示了娴熟的表达能力（详见紫色标记）。

　　这里可以看出，高分回答要求的并不是生僻词句运用，而是在有效表达同时的词句资源展示，回到评分标准，即“多样句式，精准措辞”。

　　最后，全文也保持了客观正式的写作风格，虽然有一些单复数及构词方面的语法错误，但总体语法失误不影响理解，能够高质量地呈现出一篇高分回答。

　　本文作者

　　陶然老师

　　香港浸会大学语言研究硕士；

　　北京师范大学文学学士；

　　持国家教师资格证书；

　　英语专业八级；TKT满分；

　　托福阅读专项满分；

　　曾任剑桥国际考试局IGCSE-ESL口语考官。自2008年以来从事英语教学，2012年从事出国考试培训至今。教学严谨，课堂安排紧凑，注重提炼方法，培养学生掌握知识，活学活用的能力。

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