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托福写作28+高分是怎样炼成的

2016-04-12 11:41

“什么样的文章是一篇高分的托福写作文章?”,看到这个问题,我相信,很多托友,无论考过或者没考试,似乎都无法给出一个确切的答案,当然,这个问题确实很难有一个标准答案。在此,笔者想通过分析本人的一篇29分的文章,来看看一篇高分文章到底要有哪些特点。

  原题重现:

  (2014/12/27)Young people today are more likely to help others than the young were in the past.

  题目思路总体分析:

  笔者选择的观点是不同意上述题目,即认为“相比于过去的年轻人,现在的年轻人更不可能去帮助他人。”使用总分总结构,两个理由分别是:现在年轻人空闲时间减少了,现在社会的竞争压力增大了。

  《托福官方指南》上对托福独立写作提出了三个大的标准,文章结构(organization),语言运用(language use)和细节展开(development),笔者想从这三个层面来分析下面的这篇文章:

  一. 结构分析

  In contemporary society, there is a growing tendency that people are less and less concerned about others business(社会现象引入), which has aroused deeply social concern. Therefore, when it comes to the issue whether it becomes less likely for youngsters today to help others than their counterparts in the past(转述题目), people varying in personalities and ages view the same issue from different angles. However, as far as I am concerned, young people today are less likely to help others than the young were in the past, due to the limited spare time they possessed and the fierce competition they are involved in(主题句:个人立场+概括论证段分论点).

  开头段结构分析:

  第一句,笔者描述一种与题目相关的社会现象,将其作为背景。第二句,通过双方在题目上的争议,引出题目。第三句,提出自己的观点,并概括两条理由。

  To begin with, there is no denying that the less free time owned by the young people will reduce the likelihood that they help others, which particularly applies to the students in school(段首句:联系分论点1和立场). As we know, the increasingly heavy study burden has dramatically decreased the leisure time of students(解释句:解释分论点如何支持立场). According to a survey conducted by Education Ministry of China, the time students spent on learning in 2014 was more than 8 hours per day, while this figure in 1994 was only 6 hours every day. The great difference in the two figures clearly demonstrate that student’s study time has increased a lot, which in turn decreased their free time. And less free time means that students have less chances to provide help to others.(论证句:通过数据段内对比). Therefore, the decrease in the free time of young people has made it less possible to help others(总结句:转述段首句).

  论证段结构分析一:

  第一句,重述分论点一(时间少)和主论点。第二句,进一步解释分论点与主论点的关系。第三句到最后是数据类例证法,来证明时间少是如何让年轻人不可能帮助别人。

  Furthermore, the more fierce competition nowadays is another factor which makes young people less likely to help others(段首句:联系分论点2和立场). One defining character of people is the degree to which they tend to care more about their own interests in a competition(解释句:解释分论点如何支持立场). Job hunting is a good case in point. Just imagine that there are 10 candidates competing for one position, which means that the winner has to outcompete the others. Obviously, each candidate would regard others as his enemies instead of friends, thus providing no help for the other one. However, in the past, the competition was not so fierce as it is today. As a result, the youngsters treated others more friendly (论证句:例子/数据/说理). Thus, helping others is becoming less and less possible for young people today because of the more competitive environment.(总结句)

  论证段结构分析二:

  第一句:重述分论点二(竞争激烈)和主论点。第二句,解释竞争激烈如何导致帮助别人可能性减小。第三句到最后,用求职的例子进行古今对比,来证明分论点。

  Judging from what has been discussed above, we can draw the conclusion that young people today are less likely to assist others than they were in the past, on account of the limited leisure time they owned and the fierce competition they are involved(结尾段:重申主题 + 总结论据)

  结尾段结构分析:

  一句话重申主观点,总结两个分论点。

  总体结构总结如下:

  第一段背景 +争论+个人观点总

  第二段分论点 1 + 解释句+例证 1 分

  第三段分论点 2 + 解释句+例证 2

  第四段重申主论点+总结分论点总

  二. 语言分析:(language use)

  词汇和句式:

  通读全文后,会发现全篇文章并没有特别难的单词,基本上全部是在大学6级词汇,所以各位托友没有必要再写作中用一些生僻词,只需要熟练应用基础词汇就足够。关于句式,全文主要用的句式结构都是英语中最基本的定语从句,名词性从句,状语从句和非谓语动词,所以大家要熟练应用这些句式。词汇和句式都不要求难,但是要求要多样。

  那么,什么叫做词汇多样性?

  举个例子来说,文章中“空闲时间”这个短语,笔者用了spare time, leisure time 和 free time,所以要多去积累同义短语。

  什么叫做句式多样?

  文章中其实至少有五次提到了题目,但是笔者都用了不同的表达方式来表达,具体如下:

  原题:Young people today are more likely to help others than the young were in the past.

  改写:

  (1) …will reduce the likelihood that they help others

  (2) …has made it less possible to help others

  (3) helping others is becoming less and less possible for young people today

  要做到句式表达多样,大家要训练一种能力,就是同义改写能力,即能够用不同的表达方式传递同一个意思。

  三. 文章细节分析(development)

  托福写作最后一个非常重要的标准就是要有细节,主要体现在中间的论证段,本文中间两段分别运用数据例证法和一般性例证法,讲述了较多的细节,所以这一点做得也不错。

  大总结:

  一篇高分文章要具备以下几点:

  1) 全文结构和段落结构要非常清晰

  2) 词汇和句式不要求难,只要求多样

  3) 论证段要有足够多的细节

  以上就是对整篇文章的解读,希望各位托友从中有所启发。

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